Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
