I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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