dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
