rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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