He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
