that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
