last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
