My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
MIDGETS
????
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
