I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
