my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
