It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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