i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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