I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize