what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
