I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize