I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize