So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
