My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
