my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize