Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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