So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
