fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
