so that wasnt chicken after all
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
