He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I could fuck to npr.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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