apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
