How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
