I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
