im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
