I'm sorry my penis didn't work
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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