This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
