I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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