you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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