I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize