Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
