I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
