Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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