...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
