At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
