can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize