Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
