We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
