shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
