my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
