remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
