watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
