I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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