They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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