she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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