i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
