the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
