I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
