In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
