what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize