was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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