If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
