like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
