Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
