i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
