Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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