I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well I just put wine in my tea
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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