my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
