That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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