Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
