How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
