hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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