standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
