I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
