How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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