Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
