the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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