Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
