WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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