time to smoke my breakfast
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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