i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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