Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize