I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
