They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
