Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
