There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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