I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
