Already got asked if we're dating
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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