just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
