I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
