You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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