hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
