apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
