i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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