a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So many bounce houses so little time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
